A fair is a veritable smorgasbord orgasbord orgasbord

Ahhhh the State Fair. I seem to have fond memories as a child. Cute little baby lambs, fun Midway games and rides, that we never played or rode. However, as an adult, let me rephrase that, a PREGNANT adult, the Fair was something that I probably should have skipped or at least rented myself a jazzie/rascal and taken lots and lots of Valium, Zoloft, some sort of combination of the three.


Nathan and I (Christian stayed home to put in a new bathroom floor. He must have known something...) went with Heather & Dan and kids and Heidi. (Jeff stayed home too...Hmmmm)

We started with the sheep, after 1.5 seconds, I turned my stroller right back around and said to Nathan, "See the sheep?" As we whiz by.

Then we saw the pigs. "Oh, see the piggys, Nathan? See that blur of pink and black basking in their filth and hay? Yes, oink, oink, Nathan."

On to the cows. "Moo moo, Nathan, isn't that cool? See the family sitting next to their prized cattle and chowing down on pizza? They obviously have had their sense of smell burned out by the noxious gasses emitted from their farm. Yes, Nathan, Moo moo."

Done with animals? Why yes we are! here we go to Little Hands on the Farm. Nathan wore a cute little apron, carried around a darling little basket and proceeded to dump his corn everywhere, try to take numerous apples and vegetables (you're only supposed to take one apple and one vegetable) and screamed when I tried to make him share the sheep brush with other kids. Hurry, take Nathan off the tractor/trike before he realizes it's fun.
When the kids are done, they get to pick a treat from the Country Store. "What treat do you want Nathan? Cookies? Cookies? Want some cookies?" He is ignoring me, trying to take a bag of each the treats. "Cookies it is." He scowls as I scoop him up and remove him from temptations.


It is hot! Hot. Hot. Hot. I planned for cooler weather. I'm in LONG pants. Why? What's the significance? I don't know!

Walking through the Food Court. My stroller wheel falls off. Thanks a heap, Fisher Price! My 20 month old stroller has NOT been to Disneyland that many times! I kick it back on; it falls back off. We rest in the shade for a minute and I figured out how to fix it. I'm still going to let Fisher Price know how I feel.

I need a Slushie. No, not a Smoothie. A Slushie/Slurpy/Snowcone. All I see are Smoothy stands. Dammit. I mean dangit. No swearing at the Family Friendly Fun State Fair!! Finally I see a guy with a Slushie, I grab his arm and pant "Slushie? Where slushie?" He takes pity on me and points me in the right direction. (By the Pioneer Building if you want to know.)

Ahhhh now I have my beloved LARGE Tiger's Blood Slushie that I got to put my own flavoring on. "Want some Slushie, Nathan? No? Really? Are you sure? Slushie?" Thus ensues several attempts to get Nathan to at least TRY the slushie. No luck. He does, however, finish the rest of Heidi's Diet Cherry Coke. Pick your battles, pick your battles.

Heidi (also pregnant) buys a corn dog and shares some with me. Heidi buys some fries and shares some with me. We see Kettle Korn. Get your own bag! (We each do.)

Heather leaves us to volunteer in the Creative Arts building (Scrap booking stuff) and Dan is now left with only 2 wives, neither of which are his. As a group, we cry mutiny, buy each kid a blow-up toy, (2 Batmans, 1 Spiderman and a very large pink kitten) and leave the Fair.

On the way out, we see the infamous Deep Fried Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches. The line is at least 20 people long. Suckers!! I want to hurl just thinking about them.

We bid the Fair a fond - (that's debatable) farewell.




In the words of Templeton (from Charlotte's Web, which by the way, that movie still scares me)

A fair is a veritable smorgasbord orgasbord orgasbord
After the crowds have ceased
Each night when the lights go out
It can be found on the ground all around
Oh, what a ratly feast!

Melon rinds and bits of hot dogs
Cookie crumbs and rotten cotton candy
Melted ice cream, mustard drippings
Moldy goodies everywhere

Lots of popcorn, apple cores
Banana peels and soggy sandwiches
And gobs of gorgeous gook to gobble at the fair

A fair is a veritable smorgasbord orgasbord orgasbord
After the gates are shut
Each night when the lights go out
It can be found on the ground all around
That's where a rat can glut, glut, glut, glut!